Velcro & Teflon Theory

A neuroscientist named Dr. Rick Hanson discovered that the human brain has a natural negativity bias to internalize negative experiences more deeply than positive ones. According to Dr. Hanson, the brain is like velcro for negative experiences and teflon for positive ones.

When you have a negative, fear based, shameful experience or an insecure thought, your mind wraps around it like velcro. When you have a positive experience, for example – when you receive a compliment or somebody affirms and congratulations you, it slides off like melted butter on a teflon skillet.  Our brains are hardwired to remember negative experiences and quickly forget positive experiences. 

The human mind is attracted to the negative. It’s why we get so caught up in gossip. It’s why bad news is good for ratings. Humiliation sticks with us for days.  Shame can stick with us for years.  But we are not nearly as affected by the positive feedback we receive.

Think about it in your own life.  If you get 10 positive emails in a day and 1 negative email, which email do you ruminate over?

Consider a volleyball practice.  If you get 5 compliments from your coach and 1 piece of criticism that day, what’s the 1 thing that you remember above all else from that practice?   It doesn’t even matter if the criticism was constructive criticism!

If you don’t consciously focus on the positive, if you don’t look for it, and listen for it, then you are not going to hear it.  And you’re definitely not going to absorb it. Maybe it comes in the form of a compliment from a teammate or you receive praise from your coach.  Or maybe it’s just a moment of gratitude about something you are thankful for.

My point is that you have to deliberately and consciously concentrate on positive experiences in order for them to really sink in. Research says that it takes 5 positive interactions to make up for a single negative interaction in a relationship.  The same is true of self-talk.

Now more than ever, there is so much suffering in the world.  The negative news is overwhelming and it drowns out heroic stories every single day. It’s so easy to fall into a funk and feel sorry for yourself with the situation you’re in.  There’s some days where everything bothers you, your parents are driving you crazy, your siblings are being annoying, and maybe it feels like your friends don’t seem to really understand what you’re going through. 

You have to choose to look for the positive.  You have to choose to be thankful.  You have to choose to lift each other up instead of cut each other down.  You have to choose to lift yourself up, instead of tear yourself down.

This is one of the most practical lessons I can possibly teach you on or off the court. It’s called the Velcro & Teflon Theory.  We’re attracted to the negative like velcro, but positive thoughts slide off like teflon. You can actually build your confidence on or off the volleyball court by focusing on positive thoughts or memories for at least 15 seconds.

Here is the Takeaway Tool: One of the keys to confidence building to dedicate time to remembering and focusing on positive thoughts and experiences. To absorb a positive experience, a piece of praise or comment from a teammates or coach, you need to focus on it for at least 15 seconds.  If you do not focus on the positive, it won’t stick. Give it a try!